Full Moon Future
by saiph240
Summary: It is the first full moon since Teddy Lupin's birth. With those they trust in hiding, all Remus and Tonks can do is wait as the night that that could change their little boys life forever approaches.


**I own none of the characters or the world they live in.**

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><p><strong><span>Full Moon Future<span>**

Looking at her out of the corner of his eyes, she looked so pale, so still. Only from watching her chest rise and fall could he be sure she was still breathing. With eyes closed, she would have looked peaceful if it weren't for the crease in her brow. Anxiety she wouldn't admit too was written there, for he who knew her so well, to read. He wished he could comfort her, but what could he do? There was nothing left to say that hadn't already been said. Now all they could do was wait.

As the evening approached, the tense silence seemed to lengthen. It felt as though they had been waiting for this moment for months, years even. In reality, it had barely been three weeks. Three weeks since their beautiful baby boy entered the world. Echoes of repeated conversations hung in the air. _It'll be fine. We would know by now if... _Unfinished sentences full of empty words said to reassure one another as much as themselves.

The tiny living room in their small flat began to darken but neither of them moved to light the lamps. Even Teddy was quiet in his bassinet, yet by leaning to the left; Remus saw he was wide awake. The movement roused Dora out of her reverie. Judging by the way she squinted at him, she hadn't realised the sun was setting. Flicking her wand light flooded the crowded space. It threw their surroundings into clearer focus causing Remus to feel the customary ache of not being able to provide newer furniture for his family. She, as always, appeared not to notice the shabby armchairs, or fading paper on the walls. Even if she did, he knew she would never mention it. Only last week he had heard her scolding her mother for making snide comments about them.

_"At least I feel I can move around here properly, unlike your house where I'm petrified of breaking something. A regular occurrence as I'm sure you remember. And there is no point splashing out on new things until Teddy's a bit older. Cleaning charms may make things _look _nice again, but they never completely take away the lingering smell of baby poo."_

It had made him smile hearing her talk to her well-spoken mother about baby poo so bluntly, still it could not completely soothe the uncomfortable feeling in his chest on hearing Andromeda's remarks.

Remus knew how Mrs Tonks felt about him deep down. How she felt about his marrying Dora in spite of everything. There had even been a few months where she had only spoken to Dora through her husband, Ted. It was only after he had to go on the run, and then his subsequent death, that their relationship had healed. He assumed Andromeda realised she had no other family to grieve with. She could hardly call on her sisters for support. The thought of Bellatrix or Narcissa dropping in to mourn their Muggle-born brother-in-law's murder with her would have been laughable, were it not so heartbreaking. Nevertheless, he still caught her watching him out of the corner of his eye when she thought he hadn't noticed. There was that same look of dislike, worry and what he had come to recognise as fear.

This time it was Dora who woke him from his daydream by placing a gentle hand on his. She didn't need to say anything, the prickling in his stomach told him he should be leaving soon. Standing, he held her at arm's length and their eyes met.

"I wish I could... I mean I wish you didn't have to-"

"I know" she whispered back, a small smile briefly gracing her heart-shaped face.

"You will be careful won't you? If-" he choked on the meaning of what he was saying, "If it happens, you _have_ to leave the room. He will be fine in here. I don't think, that is, I don't know whether he'd even be able to get out of the basket. However if he can, damaged furniture we can fix. You..."

"I know" she repeated, and love for him shone in her eyes, despite what may be looming ahead. In his, she glimpsed the apologies he wanted her to hear again floating in those ever-present pools of guilt and sorrow he tormented himself with. Before he could open his mouth, she leant forward and kissed him softly. "You be careful too Remus. We will be fine. Just you come back safe, because Teddy will be wanting a kiss from Daddy in the morning."

He stood there in her arms a moment longer, wishing for the thousandth time that he didn't have to leave her; that he could stay too. Eventually he turned and picked up his son. _His _son. Something he never thought he would be able to say. As Teddy gazed up at him, his hair changed from muddy brown to a dazzling pink. Remus felt the corners of his mouth twitch and behind him he heard Dora chuckle. His beautiful son could probably draw a smile from the coldest of hearts, even without such a ridiculous hair colour. Remus pulled him in tight and breathed in the now familiar smell of baby shampoo and something that was uniquely Teddy.

"You behave for your mother tonight Mister" Remus said, forcing himself to sound calm. Then bending his head down, he murmured "and I'm so sorry son, if...if something happens, just know I never meant it to".

His eyes became glassy with just the thought of Teddy being in pain but not being able to help him. He abruptly passed him to Tonks and with a small nod and an attempt at a smile; he left the room and walked out the front door. Pausing briefly in the shade of the setting sun, Remus turned on the spot and disappeared.

He Apparated to a deserted patch of forest close to where he had grown up. He knew by now it was practically certain he would meet no one else there at night. He paced among the familiar trees before the stabbing pain in his stomach brought him to a standstill. It always felt like the Monster in him was trying to tear its way from the inside out.

The darkness had set in fully now, and although he tried to resist, he couldn't help throwing his head back, spellbound by the view of the heavens. The blood began to pound in his ears and his body started to shake as the moon ascended from behind the trees in all its torturous glory. His eyes were drawn to it like a moth to a flame. Excruciating pain ignited his limbs as they ripped, contorted and reformed. Teddy flashed into his fragmenting mind, whether he was suffering too, if his little body could even cope with this horrific transformation. The overwhelming feelings of guilt he had endured since he first found out he was to be a father resurfaced with a vengeance. Just as his mind started to slip into darkness he cried out for what he may have done to his son, and the cry continued into the first chilling howl of the Werewolf.

It was the sunlight that forced Remus' eyes open. Even after all these years, he was still momentarily unaware of where he was and why. He gingerly sat up from the leafy floor he'd collapsed on as the morning after pain set in. There was also the uncomfortable, but recognisable feeling in his stomach telling him he ate something during the night. The blood on his hands confirmed it.

He was unsure why at first, but knew it was important he returned home straight away. It was not until he had caught his breath that it flooded back. _Teddy. First full moon._ Thoughts and feelings rushed through his mind too quickly to comprehend. One minute led to another and still he remained on the ground. _First full moon. Monster. Teddy. Has he? Dora alone. _It was not until the realisation hit that whatever happened, Tonks had had to deal with it alone did he stagger to his feet. He took a moment to Scourgify the blood and dirt off himself and then turned back into the compressing darkness.

Apparating straight back to their front door step, Remus hesitated for the space of a heartbeat and then opened the door. The greeting he had been about to call out died in his throat. His ragged breaths seemed far too loud compared with the complete silence that resonated in the flat. He paused again outside the closed door to the living room as scene after terrible scene swam before his eyes. _Teddy had transformed and Dora couldn't bear to hear his cries and not try and intervene. Had she approached him? Had he hurt her? Could a Werewolf, even just a cub be strong enough to overpower her? To kil- _

He slumped back against the wall and tried to shake off the feeling that the monster he had so recently become was pressing down on his chest. Dots of light and shadows danced around each other in his vision. What had he done? He was ashamed that part of him wanted nothing more than to flee. That thought was chased though by the voice of Harry, from months ago, at Grimmauld Place.

'_I'd never have believed this. The man who taught me to fight Dementors – a coward.'_

Taking a last deep breath, Remus pushed open the living room door and froze.

Tonks was sitting in the same armchair she had been in the previous night, but with a sleeping Teddy in her arms. There was no need to ask anything. His anxieties dissolved as soon as she looked up at him, her face lit up with a smile of such pure elation, the like he had never seen before. He knew his own face had instinctively mirrored hers. Stumbling forward he knelt down next to them both, feeling a joyfulness that paled all past pleasures by contrast.

Still without speaking, Dora moved over and Remus squashed next to them on the chair. She placed Teddy in his arms and then closing her eyes, rested her head on his shoulder. He knew that even though everything had apparently been fine, she would not have slept a wink.

As they sat there, Remus thought that whatever happened; however long the war raging on outside was going to last, nothing could destroy this. Voldemort may be in power, but this feeling was a power he would never know and Remus would do whatever it took to make sure his family survived this together. _His family. _Smiling, he closed his eyes too.


End file.
